Discussion (2)¬

1. Brannon says:

   July 18, 2010 at 1:44 pm

   Oh boy. Well, there are definitely positive elements to this page, but let me get something out first. You have done better.
   1) The pose in panel three looks goofy. The straight on camera position might be a majority of that problem. Pacing wise, I would have combined three and four in some way.
   2) Something seems off about the third row of panels. I think there may be a need for a “recalling his club” panel.
   3) Finally, the straight angle of the next to last panel is rather plain. A more diagonal layout or turning the camera to a 3/4 angle would improve it.

   Now for a more positive note: My God, your backgrounds in the first three panels look awesome. You have really made headway into the painterly style of this work.
   The swish line/swish mark/whatever it’s called in panel five really meshes with the work. I have read too many comics where this element sticks out and destroys the immersion.
   The SPLACK in the next to last panel, combined with the background line, create a great sense of hitting something soggy really hard. It just works.

   Anyway, I’ve had my say. I know I don’t critique that much, but when I got something to say, dammit, I’ll say it.
2. megacarter says:

   July 19, 2010 at 12:29 am

   It’s not until this page that I realize what a bad ass Brightleaf is